all things considered

i recently purchased an i-pod (i'm slow on the uptake with these things.) i put it in my glove box the day i got it since i wasn't going home for a while. that was 4 days ago and it's still there. i haven't bothered to bring it in because i can't listen to music right now. this is a drag for two reasons. one, the radio stations in austin aren't cutting it and two, my cd player isn't working in my car. like the last time, i'm listening to npr and nothing else. i feel so fragile that it would only take a song to knock me down. it happened at the grocery store the other day and to an embarrassingly bad top 40 song (two words: jessica's simpson.) i thought to myself, 'what if i just let the tears come right here in public while i continue to do my shopping? what would people think? would they stare at me or look away uncomfortably?' and as i wondered this, i fantasized that it would be what freed me. i keep thinking it will be the next chance encounter or the next newly discovered book that will ignite the shift. that there will something that just turns things around. just like that. and i get scared that it will be the perfect wrong words that will break me all over again. npr is safe. quiet. familiar. those things have been so long gone, i barely recognize its voice.


here is the party invitation that took way too long to make. one of these days i might just buy a pack of birthday invites and be done with it.