laughing again

it's taken me quite a few days to pull it together to post. this last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. but not so much the up and down, more just the starting at the bottom and heading straight to the top. i'm somewhere in the middle -right when you know it's about to get really good but you're still scared shitless. last wednesday, i felt like it might have been time to unpack my bags and accept my new permanent residence in heartbreak hotel. it was bad.

earlier in the day, i found myself in the bathroom stall at work, crying my eyes out, praying to god to help me see the light. i'm not looking for a fucking miracle -i just need to feel a little of the weight lifted. needless to say, it didn't happen in that instance. no, that would have been destined for a lifetime movie of the week. what did happen was that as the day progressed, things started to shift. i still cried (a lot) but i didn't feel as though it wouldn't stop. i knew somewhere in the cracks of my mind that the end was near. and dare i say i was right? the days following only got better.

you will not find me on the mountain-top, mind you. but you will find me looking forward to being alone because i enjoy my own company (and i have a lot to do). and you will find me seeking out people who bring me happiness and inspiration or who make me laugh. people who remind me of my worth and that i deserve more. people who remind me that i am not who i've been thinking i am. everyone deserves people like this in their life. even if they sometimes seem nowhere to be found, open your eyes. your teachers are everywhere.