my shadow

sitting here, watching 'the office' trying to relax. i've been in such a bad mood today and i hate when i'm like this. frances is getting on my last nerve, poor thing. and don't get me started with the cats, now named 'orange plum' and 'sagwa.' i think my contempt is rubbing off on frances as i keep hearing her scream 'SHUT IT!'

i've definitely moved into the anger stage of mourning. i wont get into it here as i vowed to no longer discuss it. but just know that i am pissed.

yesterday at starbucks, this employee - i mean barista, started talking about how shitty closing is but that luckily he closes shop with sam. and then he said 'it's like groundhog day (refering to the movie)...the same thing night after night after night, equally as miserable.' as i got into my car, i thought maybe that has been the (not so) subtle joke that the universe has played on me, year after year. that i will keep being presented with the same unsatisfying relationships with people who have nothing to offer and making the same mistakes ending up in the same place, until i get it. i believe this is also the difference between those elite enlightened few, and the rest of us. i do not want to be like bill murray, stumbling through the day, embarrasingly not seeing what a fool he is. but then again, someone found it charming.

p.s.
my birthday? february 2nd. go figure.